Major Life Decisions

[jain]

I'm not going to be returning to college this fall. My parents are not pleased, and my friends are concerned, and I'm feeling slightly guilty. The worst part is, this is such a recurring theme in my life. It took me five years to get through high school, and it looks like it'll take me at least seven before I get my fricking bachelor's degree.

On the other hand, I'm really hating being here. I hate my classes, I hate writing essays, I hate learning--and that's never happened to me in my life. I want to try doing something else for a while; ideally, I'll find a nice internship doing editorial work or something, but at the least I want to live away from my family for a while and do things that probably only I find impressive, like doing all my own grocery shopping and learning how to use public transportation.

I'm pretty sure I'm making the right decision, as much as it galls me to yet again demonstrate my inability to live a normal life. I mean, everyone else manages to finish college and get a driver's license and so forth with no apparent difficulty. But I can't countenance spending thousands of dollars to go to college when I'm not deriving anything of value from the experience, and doing the bare minimum in my classes while remaining unmoved by what I'm learning really isn't worth much.

Comments

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

It's not a race. *g* Some people aren't ready to jump into college right away and plow through it all in a row.

My mom left college after 2 years and didn't go back until about 7 years later. She got her BA though, eventually, over the span of 8 or so years. And that's what worked for her.

[batshua]

Don't worry, Jain, you'll find your way. Actually, I might follow in your footsteps eventually, but let's see how things turn out. I support your decision. It's your life. Just try to keep in touch, okay??

[jain]

Thank you for the kind encouragement. I'm feeling much more optimistic about the whole situation now.

timetables

[(Anonymous)]

I quit college once. Because of a suicide attempt, when education just seemed too monolithic to handle and death was preferable to failure. The net result of that was a diploma that looked just as pretty and Latiny as everyone else's, the chance to meet some freshmen I wouldn't otherwise have known, a semester taking makeup classes with the Nuns from Hell, which would be an autobiographical book if it didn't sound so bloody fictional, and the opportunity to watch other people become nervous around me in case I did something crazy in front of them. The rest of ot was okay, but that last part was not worth it. Take the time now _before_ you really really need it the way I did. Then go back to school- and it'll be better. So I graduated with the 'wrong' class. Who cares? Get a job for the intervening time, write some poetry or whatever, and survive. Education isn't meant to kill us... contrary to what is apparently common belief among profs. Give yourself a semester or a year, and then spit in its eye.
-Shadowdancer

Re: timetables

[jain]

Thank you for sharing your story with me. It really helped me to put the whole situation into perspective. The Nuns from Hell sound screamingly funny--though I'm sure the reality was quite different.

[althea5000.livejournal.com]

Dude, Bryn Mawr's a tough place. I almost didn't make through on several occasions. When I stop to think about it, I'm still amazed that I actually made it through in four years. So don't sweat it. If you need to take a break, then that's what you need to do. And certainly don't sit there thinking "everyone else manages to...", because that's sure as hell isn't true. They don't. Many people don't graduate in 4 years and from much easier places than BMC. I think we should get special exemptions or something. =)

And dude, why didn't you tell me you got an LJ? Instead, letting me stumble upon it when I'm doing a random search through BMC LJs... come upon you and go "Wait, wait, wait! That person has me as a friend! Wait, *that's* who it is?" ::sigh:: Some people. =) Dude, I was down in Philly for the show! We could've met up!

(Okay, I apologize for the over-use of the word "Dude" in the this post.)

[jain]

I'd thought of telling you that I'd gotten an LJ, but then I wasn't sure if you'd even remember me, since we only met the once, and...just chalk it up to a minor bout of insecurity.

As for leaving school, all of my friends keep telling me about the same things that you did; by now I'm actually at the point of believing all of you. I'm thinking that by the time I'm ready to go back to college I might end up transferring--maybe to Douglass, especially if my brother ends up going to Rutgers...but that's still quite a bit in the future. Oh, and this summer I'm going to be staying with my girlfriend in Providence for a month--mid-May to mid-June; maybe you and I could find some day that we could meet in Boston.

[quiet000001.livejournal.com]

Don't discount the importance of doing things yourself, even if they seem like stupid little things.

When I was just barely 18, I left the US to visit my boyfriend in the UK and stay for the summer. I was supposed to go to NYU in the fall. I'm still in the UK. (Don't have a degree yet, either. Had a go at a UK uni, and managed about a year and a half, but I was getting bored. I Will Finish Eventually.)

Looking back on it all now- I regret not going to NYU only because I think I would really enjoy the course. (I was supposed to study film.) I would love to be able to go now and do it. Otherwise, I think not doing it and coming over here and having to learn how to get on with my life on my own is the best thing I've ever done. (We'll leave out the fact that I've got myself a wonderful partner, too. :) The knowledge that you *can* deal with things in the Real World when they come up is a real confidence boost, and it's made me much more secure in just being Me.

The attitude over here regarding finishing "high school" and starting at university is very different to the US- it's perfectly normal here to take a year out in between one and the other to do whatever (a lot of people go backpacking around Europe, but others just stay in the UK and work, or...) and I wish it was more like that in the US, because I think it makes a great sanity saver. :)

Just remember that there's nothing wrong with not following the beaten path.(And I'm with you- there's no point in slogging through it just to get through it when you could be getting so much more out of it. Do what you need to do to rediscover how to enjoy the process. I left uni over here about a year ago, and I'm only just now starting to feel like I really want to go out and learn things again. I just got too stressed and burnt out.)

[jain]

Thanks for the encouragement, and for sharing your own story with me. (I'd actually been wondering about how you ended up in the UK, after having read a bit about your life in your lj, and it was nice to have the backstory filled in.) I've always been very goal-oriented--in intent if not in practice--and then very disappointed in myself when I couldn't fulfill those goals. It's good to be reminded that how one ends up living life is less important than focusing on really living it.